Blogpology.

Dear Scallypeeps, a quick blogpost apology - a blogpology, if you like.

I've become aware of the fact that xmas songs after xmas are strangely disturbing and a little depressing. I had finished that mash-up I posted in the last blog well in advance of xmas, and it was my intention to post it on xmas day itself - but being with actual people, and having lovely Bucks Fizz(es) for breakfast, meant that plan slipped into a drunken xmas haze. Like everything in life, it's all about the timing. What brought my attention to the unsettling nature of late xmas songs was being in my local shopping center, which starts playing xmas songs sometime in early December, and has them relentlessly spugged out in every corner of the building - supermarket, shops, corridors and toilets - there is no escaping the xmuzak. Up until xmas day, and even up til new years eve, it's irritating but somehow tolerable. However, on January 5th, hearing a poptastic rock'n'roll version of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town provoked feelings of melancholy, anxiety and nausea.

I'm thrilled to report that since yesterday Ria Shopping is back to lowest-common-denominator pop muzak. So, as good as my xmash-up is - and it's fuckin awesome - I should have either posted it on xmas day, or waited until next year. Please forgive me.

 Anywhoo, did y'all know that the original scallywag, STAN himself, takes to the stage this coming Tuesday and Wednesday? That's the 10th and 11th of January 2017. Only a few short miles from the heart of London's West End, the theatre capitol of the world, we perform in the infamous Etcetera Theatre, Camden. And when I say infamous, I do mean unfamous. Front row tickets are already changing hands on the black market for thousands of your English Pounds, so I urge you to snap up the few remaining seats while they are still available.

Buy tickets here.

And please do - if you haven't already - post the facebook event page link into your timeline. Here it is -

https://www.facebook.com/events/946213562179310/

I'd like to finish up this blog with a little etiquette quandary.

Let's say - hypothetically - that someone who may or may not be a family member gave you a shirt for your birthday, and that he actually always gets you a shirt for every birthday and xmas. Now, the last shirt he got you was synthetic, and you've told him numerous times that because you have delicate skin you can only wear natural fibres. You've told him this because he has bought you synthetic shirts before. Numerous times before. His birthday is a month after yours. Here's the quandary - for his birthday present, is it ok to give him that synthetic shirt he just got you, that you have never worn and will never wear?

I think it's safe to assume - hypothetically - that he likes the shirt, because he chose the bloody thing, and like most people buys presents based on what he likes, rather than what he thinks the person he's getting it for likes. And perhaps, if you gave him the shirt back, he would in future remember that you can't wear synthetic fibres, and get you a cotton shirt. Or woollen. Or silk. Or something that's not a fucking shirt.

However, if this person who may or may not be a close family member was - hypothetically - the kind of person that reacts extremely badly to anything he perceived as criticism, would the inevitable and mind-bendingly tedious political fall-out that followed render the possible future acquisition of non-synthetic shirt gifts as too nominal a benefit to risk it for?

Just in case you're wondering, you also assume - hypothetically - that this person that may or may not share lots of genes with you never reads your blog, and is in fact blissfully unaware that you have been blogging for almost a decade.

If you do have any insights to illuminate this entirely hypothetical quandary, please stick 'em in the Comments section below.

Tick Tock - Where's My Cock?

Ahoy Scallywagamamasandpapas.

In case you're wondering, the title of this post is not merely gratuitous profanity - rather a carefully crafted cryptic reference to the fact that STAN will strut his stuff exactly a week from today.

So let's get straight into the Shameless Self Promotion part of this blog post.

We play next week on the 10th and 11th of January in the Etcetera Theatre, Camden as part of the Black Box Festival.

Tickets can be bought here, for the nominal price of a Tenner, or 8 squid concessions. Virtually giving 'em away, you're robbing me! I do have some squeezes to give away, so if you think you are a worthy recipient please let me know. If you convince me that you are bringing a bunch of friends with you, a freebie is as good as yours.

Here's the facebook event page, which I'm led to believe is the key promotional tool that I need to be pushing and encouraging you all to share. So please do share it, and ask the people you share it with to share it, and so on, until after 7 degrees of separation, the entire population of the planet will be plugged in and turned onto this event. Probably. Sadly, the Etcetera Theatre won't hold 7 billion people. Not all sitting down, anyway.

For more info about the show, and a lovely lickle review from a German Newspaper, have a look at the last blog post.

I think that pretty much does it for Part One of this blog post, with all dem links an' promotion an' dat innit.

Ai! Arsenal match kicking off soon (we play The Mighty Bournemouth) so this is a perfect juncture to take a break from blogging the wankosphere. In Part Two I'll do a bit of a State Of The Nation type thingamiboo. And the nation is in a right fucking state. See you on the flip side. Cmon you GOONERS!

As you are all clearly burning to know what happened in the match, I can divulge that we were down 3 nil after 20 minutes, and equalised in the 2nd minute of injury time through an Olivier Giroud header.

Ok then. Theatre. And that. In a nutshell, the world in general and the UK and US in particular are going down the shitter. Broadly speaking, it seems to me like we have two choices - retreat and hide, or speak up and be heard. Theatre is about coming together as a community to share our stories, engage with each other, stimulate conversation, challenge the norms and change our minds.

Or you can chose to stay at home and watch telly. Isolate yourself. Consume rather than participate.

The latter is easy and comforting. The former is challenging and rewarding.

I'm not suggesting you never watch telly. Some telly is great. But as a theatre maker - and more importantly a theatre lover - I am committed to celebrating the magic of the theatre moment. Ephemeral and unique, with the power to transform and connect us.

Nuff said. See y'all in Camden.

BONUS TRACK - As a Special Somewhat Late Xmas Treat, here's a little mash-up what I did. An Xmash-Up.